o captain! my captain!

i heard about robin williams’ death and i got sad. then i decided to re-watch dead poets society in his memory. i hadn’t seen it in years and i realized that i now knew most of the poetry. and then i got a little warm inside. i also cried a little. i love that movie.

They’re not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they’re destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? – – Carpe – – hear it? – – Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Don’t be resigned to that. Break out!

This is a battle, a war, and the casualties could be your hearts and souls.

Robert Frost said, “Two roads diverged in the wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.

 

thank you.

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aesthetics

i love fashion as a creative outlet. i love the idea of becoming a physical representation, a manifestation of your fantasy. what you want to portray, what you want to convey. you can set up an atmosphere around yourself, through a look. and you can change atmospheres whichever way you want, create so many personas. so many worlds, even through the simplest means. i just love the way that world and character building is merged with your physical self, and how both components feed off each other to create something more than the theoretical concept in mind. add a touch of humanness to aesthetics and you get something truly inspired. 

forrest gump

i just finished watching forrest gump for the first time, and i’ve been furiously wiping my cheeks for the last five minutes. they don’t make them like that anymore. i’m glad we’ll always have these movies, the ones like forrest gump. i’m glad people will be able to see them for the first time and furiously wipe their cheeks for many years to come.

lost in translation. (a pictorial study)

lost in translation is one of those movies that let you dive into another world completely. i watch it, and i feel something stir inside me, something foreign and completely familiar at the same time. the story just hits hard. and the visuals, they’re stunning. recklessness and tranquility, harsh neons and pastels – opposite ends of a spectrum blending together to make the most beautiful picture in motion. sofia coppola is great at that. a softness that’s real. heartfelt.lostintranslation-0087lostintranslation-0150lostintranslation-0233lostintranslation-0236lostintranslation-0282lostintranslation-0552lostintranslation-0595lostintranslation-0623lostintranslation-0744lostintranslation-0813

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hotel chevalier

Hello?
Hi.
I'm on my way from the airport, 
and the front desk won't get me your room number.
What's your room number?
403.
See you in half an hour.
- Wait a second. -What?
- Where are you? -I'm here.
I didn't say you could come here.
Can I come there?
Okay.
I'll see you in half an hour.

What's this music?
Thank you.

How'd you find me?
It wasn't actually that hard.

Are you gonna take a bath?
It's for you.
Who cut your hair?
Barbara in the lobby.

What the fuck is going on?
How long have you been at this hotel now?
I don't know.
More than a week?
More than a week.
More than a month?
More than a month.
How much does it cost?
I think around 750 million euros or something.
How long are you gonna stay?
How long are you gonna stay?
I'm leaving tomorrow morning.
Don't you think it's time for you to go home?
Probably.
Are you running away from me?
I thought I already did.

Would you order me a bloody mary, please?
Two bloody marys, please.

Have you slept with anyone?
No. Have you?
No.
That was a long pause.
- I guess it doesn't really matter. -No,it doesn't.

You got bruises on your body.
What ever happens in the end, I don't wanna lose you as my friend.
I promise, I will never be your friend.
No matter what – ever.
If we fuck I'm gonna feel like shit tomorrow.
That's okay with me.
I love you.
I never hurt you on purpose.
I don't care.

Wanna see my view of Paris?
Okay.

concept: retro-futuristic

the tomorrow of yesterday. i’m listening to anamanaguchi, thinking of pacific rim*. technological optimism. a saturated palette through a fuzzy lens. old video games. a blue-eyed admiration of asian-but-mostly-just-japanese modern culture that is almost fetishizing and definitely warped but with the best of intentions and therefore a beautiful thing in itself – at least in my opinion… but then again, what do i know? i’m obviously brainwashed really into it. neon glow piercing through darkness. artificiality. a sense of we’re playing with fire here and it’s dangerous but we’re stupid/fearless, awesome and we can kick ass. life in hyperized technicolor.

ps. some of the pics have links to sources/various related pages so… hover hover clicky clicky.

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*see this movie. you don’t know how much passion i’m projecting through my fingertips as i write this. the words are in lower case letters but my insides are all “FUCKING SEE IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. just so you know. okay go.

28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, 12 seconds.

“A storm is coming,” Frank says. “A storm that will swallow the children. And I will deliver them from the kingdom of Bane. I’ll deliver the children back to their doorsteps. I’ll send the monsters back to the underground. I’ll send them back to a place where no one else can see them except for me, ’cause I am Donnie Darko.”

The Royal Tenenbaums: A pictorial study

I am in love with Wes Anderson’s movies. He’s one of the most hyped directors/producers/screenwriters on the “alt movie scene”, but I think he’s one of the few artists truly worthy of the buzz. There’s something about the way his films depict the dynamics of human relations that just captures real life in a really hitting way. Not to mention their aesthetical beauty – minimalistic, colorful, symmetrical, timeless. I change my mind about which one is my favorite all the time, but at the moment, I’m especially in love with The Royal Tenenbaums. So here are some of my favorite screencaps of the movie.

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PS. I now realize that my selection has been very Margot/Richie-centric, but can you blame me? I mean, the bus scene – my heart.

The funk, the exhilaration and the sorrow.

I get in this mood sometimes. A period of time that comes along once every couple of months or so. It just hits out of nowhere, this heaviness. A “funk”, I call it. It’s really just loneliness. A feeling that always resides within me, but manages to take the backseat for other, more important emotions. More vivid ones. But every once in a while, it comes up for air… takes over really. It’s a little bit funny, how loneliness feels. In life, whenever something happens and I’m reminded that the only thing I’m sure I have is myself, it leaves me feeling chilly inside. But the funk – it’s warm. No, it’s burning hot and heavy and slow-flowing. Like lava. I’ve always just waited it out, let it come and go, like it always does. Today though, I managed to take a break from it. Well, take it into my own hands and manipulate it.

I fought fire with fire. One weakness with another. Today, I used my unhealthily strong need to please others, and went on with my day. Despite my funk. I saw a movie. Fast and Furious 6. And I don’t know if it helped, or made the funk worse, but at least it was a change. Change is good. A movie like Fast 6 is interesting, because either you get it, or you don’t. But if you do, it gives you such a rush. Yes, it’s ridiculous. But, it’s incredibly exhilarating. If you’re into it, it gives you the biggest kick. Honestly, it’s like a drug. From a heterosexual female’s perspective, the figurative testosterone flowing in the theatre isn’t half bad, but the adrenaline flowing through your veins is amazing. It really is. Such a high.

This, I was expecting. And I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I did not, however, expect myself to wipe away a tear at the end of the movie. To trivialize things – my OTP is no more. Gisele dies to save Han, and we know from the third film that Han will eventually die. This all made sense to me, even before the movie, but I’d repressed it. I’d clung to the hope that the third film was actually set either in the very distant future or a parallel universe*, but seeing it happen was actually devastating. I loved them together. I loved them separately.** I was, I am heartbroken. And I realized I’d fallen into the trap. The “saying goodbye” trap. I hate saying goodbye. I’m excellent at letting things go, moving on once something is gone, but every time I have to say goodbye to something – a part of me dies. So all my emotions did this time was veer off the loneliness onto other side-lanes – from excitement, to sorrow. And now I’m back on the main road. I’m blue again. But with me, I have traces of that excitement and sorrow left. It’s fiction, but the feelings are reality.

*insert keysmash here*

Me too Han, me too.***

This post is all over the place, I know. But it works. Let’s just call it stream-of-consciousness or something.

———-

* Don’t judge me, with the way that film was executed, that would have made sense.

** Plus the fact that Han**** is weirdly hot, and the only male character I found attractive on a personal level despite the plethora of male characters. I can also take this moment to state that yes, The Fast and The Furious franchise is sexist, but not as sexist as you’d think. It does have a mainly male cast, but the female characters portrayed are fully three-dimensional… and happen to be badasses. However, a big boo to the montage of girls dancing in skimpy outfits for a full minute – add a minute of shirtless hot guys doing the same thing or no dice.

*** Also, this was the moment when Han/Gisele started and I can’t deal with that because it was all so perfect. Why must all good things come to an end?

**** I don’t think you can give your asterisk an asterisk but this is my kingdom so I can do whatever I want. I just googled Han and Wiki tells me that the full name of the character is Han Seoul-Oh. The asian version of Han Solo. Be still, my beating heart.

Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?

Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul…

I saw the film adaption of The Great Gatsby the other day (two days ago to be exact). It was lovely, though a little overstated. The overuse of the green light felt a little too “Gatsby for dummies”, and it’s a pity because it’s one of the most iconic metaphors in the history of literature. It was a little silly at times, but I liked that because it captured the silliness of the book – part of it’s charm. I remember reading the book and loving it, but then catching myself and thinking: “Jesus, they’re stupid.” But I like that. The delusion, the fickleness, the innocence… and yeah, the sheer stupidity too. But yeah, back to the movie. I thought the casting was perfect, great performances too (points that stood out: Carey Mulligan’s “Daisy in despair”, DiCaprio’s “Gatsby’s smile of eternal reassurance” and “Gatsby’s loss of temper”, the man that played Buchanan’s whole performance etc.) . I really felt like the story had come to life, and I think I needed to see it acted out on screen to have it all click for me. Everything looked gorgeous too, of course. And the soundtrack worked… especially Young & Beautiful, which is just a invaluable gem of a song in general.

Getting a little teary eyed when I think of the words “Tune of the Day”, but since this is supposed to be a new start, let’s call them “If this day had a soundtrack, it would be this…”

If this day had a soundtrack, it would be this… no. 1

Dear lord, when I get to heaven
Please let me bring my man
When he comes tell me that you’ll let him in
Father tell me if you can
All that grace, all that body
All that face makes me wanna party
He’s my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds

And will you still love me
When I’m no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I’m no longer beautiful?
Will you still love me when I’m no longer beautiful?
Will you still love me when I’m not young and beautiful?

————————————

(But wasn’t Luhrmann’s Nick a bit too naive? I always felt like “Nicky” had been more of a shrewd spectator appreciating the genuineness of Gatsby’s deceit, but in the movie, I got the impression of a blue-eyed boy, moon-eyed over this savvy man (omg Gatsby as a manic pixie dreamgirl) and reacting as he’d just found out santa isn’t real when he realizes the callousness of the East Egg inhabitants (and rich people in general). I didn’t like movie-Nick less than book-Nick, not at all, but he just seemed different. It was an interesting change of perspective though, definitely. And I couldn’t stop thinking about the Gatsby being black/jewish possibilities anyways. And also the theory of Nick being gay and in love with Gatsby. So interesting.

And also, the scene where Gatsby and Nick are driving over the bridge and Nick looks across the highway to see a bunch of black people partying in a car while being driven by a white chauffeur. I mean, I think I get it, but what does it mean?)